In the beginning...all over again.

January 1, 2018 It does not seem possible that it is 2018. At least on the Gregorian calendar. Other calendars indicate different delineations of time. Clearly, our time of existence is far longer than 2000+ years. I woke up around 6:20 to the faith barking of our dogs. It was a bit hard to get out of bed as I did not get to sleep until around 1 a.m. this morning, the second late night in a row. On Saturday, we took our annual pilgrimage to my brother's house in NJ. Since I was reunited w/him and the rest of my biological family in 1999 - I and my family have been invited to his home every year to engage in the holiday family festivities. It is a gift just to be with them. We have a great time. No matter what configuration of family exists at the time of the gathering, we are all welcomed to his table. There are people missing and the ghosts of people I never met but if not for them, (Florence "Ruby" Fertig and Paul DeMartino), I would not be here. More on that later. Anyway - the moon lay abreast of the new fallen snow. I know exactly what image Clement Clarke Moore wrote of in his Christmas poem. That's what this morning's landscape looked like. It is is so beautiful. Then out to feed the animals. We don't have as many as we did in previous years so it doesn't take too long. It has been below 10 degrees every day for the past week. But...but if I remain in my Vera Wang pjs, I can throw on my heavy coat, my gloves and my hat and I am good to go. I know that once you wear pjs out to do chores, you are officially a farm woman but not sure there are too many who wear Vera Wang out to do so. But I did it last week since I was just too tired to change before going out and I discovered that as cold as it was, my pjs kept me warm. The really cool thing is they don't make me sweat when I am sleeping and these are fuzzy and cozy. So, Vera Wang - i've always enjoyed your fashions although I don't wear them but I now have my own VW pjs thanks to Hubby and Christmas and they are simply the best. Hubby wanted to know what they are made of and it's synthetic polyester and some stretchy fabric. But 10 degrees is not pj outdoor weather so the fact that I can comfortably finish chores and not be chilled says something. Can I be your spokeswoman VW? We'll be seeing friends later. We got to see another couple last night. It was totally impromptu but our timing was pretty good. We stopped by just as they finished dinner. Since it was still out on the table, they asked us to have some - scallops and fettucine. Great New Year's Eve supper w/homemade cookies for dessert. It felt very holiday-ish. I like to connect w/people so I was really happy Hubs agreed. We also wanted to see if they knew the whereabouts of another dear friend. She had gone back to family for the holidays. It was a hard year for her. Her beloved died unexpectedly in September and I know it's completely rocked her world. The rest of us who were friends to both are also recovering so I can only begin to imagine what she is feeling. It happened so damn fast. But not just to us. Others have written about the newly empty spaces in their lives. And we all keep promising to do better at staying in touch. At coming together. At not letting time slip away from us but I'm not sure how this year will be different form last year. Can we truly change the future outcomes ala Ebenezer Scrooge? Can we change ourselves enough to make room for the truly important? What do I have to let go of to make sure that my actual relationships will blossom and grow? I am probably going have to drastically reduce my FB time. I am returning to school - for my Masters in Clinical Counseling w/MSW hopefully along w/a Spiritual Direction certificate. It will be the culmination of my educational aspirations, which I have carried for many years. Not that achieving them will signal the end of the educational endeavors. Hopefully I will be open and able to learning till my last breath. And hopefully, I will navigate the choppy waters of our national circumstances and now allow the toxins of others to poison my heart, mind, soul and psyche. May i be able to enable and ennoble the world in which we live from this day forward. And may those whom I love find the year to come to hold all the good surprises and grace that this cosmos holds.

Moving on

We are winding down. We've barely been farmers for 6 years now but it's time to wind down. This has been on my mind a lot as I consider how physical farming is and how it really can't be done part-time. At least not the amount of work that we need to engage in to get the barn back in shape and do things around the farm yard that will improve it's looks and ability to function. Not sure if the animals are picking up on this. They do their animal thing and trust that we will take care of them. We do our best - but still haven't outwitted the fox or raccoon that have visited recently. The containers that hold food are broken into and a couple of our older birds have died from old age, or been on the menu for another creature. I consider this element of life also a lot as I think about the many, many posts of animals getting along and acting all cute and cuddly. And they very well may feel that way the moment the picture is snapped. But give it a few minutes or a day or two and there is no more cute n cuddly photo op. That animal may be raging against who knows what or it turns on it's best friend, human or otherwise. We can't fully, completely control what anyone else, including animals do...so we need to be wise when we engage with them. Even the most trustworthy of pets can snap and bite if sick, injured or feeling cornered. It isn't thinking about it's relationship with the other live being in the scenario...it's acting on instinct and that instinct can direct it to self-protective behavior. When our 100% lovable mini-Schnauzer was still with us, people would ask if they could pet her. And they'd ask if she bit. I said she never had but I would never 100% say it couldn't happen. She was a dog. (She never did bite anyone throughout her days...not even Ivanhoe the cat who would ambush her from the futon in the living room and then engage in a wrestling match.)