Sediment in the System

Dave had to work on the tractor the other day and as he finished up, he got some sediment into another part of the tractor - not sure what it's called.   By his exclamation it was apparent that this was not a good thing.   That got me thinking.  We get sediment in our systems and don't run the way we were made to.  Physically our cholesterol gets to clogging our arteries, inflammation affects our functions and sometimes cell existence goes awry.  Mentally and emotionally we also get sediment in the system.  Negative energy, toxic relationships, obstacles which challenge us to our limits are all types of sediments that interfere with smooth sailing.  But we can't avoid it.  The good and the bad are all part of the picture. 
I've been very mindful of the emotional/mental sediment and how it's interfering with my best self.    Therapy and medication are tools I use to keep the system running smoothly but over the last year life has been running like an engine using the wrong fuel.  There are biological reasons for this and ''just because" reasons....It's made it tough to keep on keeping on around here.  I keep myself busy so that my thoughts don't overtake me but it's a crapshoot.  Sometimes the physical work works, sometimes not so much. 
And the thing is, it's affected my relationship with the farm...with the animals.  It's been hard having to take care of the animals.  These days - except for caring for my grandson, the only thing  - person - I want to be responsible for is me.... I've loved animals since I can remember but the drain of having to care for them has become an obstacle to overcome.  It's not fair to Dave who works so hard around here and has grown to love our fur babies.  I still love them but because of whatever it is that keeps me off kilter - I want to say good-bye to them and find them another good home. 
But having them keeps me going....keeps me getting up in the morning because I'm not going to let them suffer.  The dogs and cats as well....but they are such loves, how could I say good-bye, really?

Listening to Garrison Keillor - A Prairie Home Companion...I live in my own Lake Woebegone...if only it were that easy - just to say Woe- Be Gone and the black cloud would dissipate into little fluffs.  But it's just another day on the farm...the end of the day and the animals ar settled for the night and I am ready to surrender to sleep.  And then tomorrow I'll wake up again and take care of the animals and they will be alright.  And I'll be alright....the sediment will get shaken out evetually.