Two deaths. Two significant deaths have occurred in my world and this morning I was saying that I don't know what I am supposed to feel. I have been saying this a lot lately. Ever since my first husband died in May. He had been sick a few years ago, recovered but then the sickness came back. And 20 minutes before I could get to the hospital to sit w/our son and him, he left. His wife - his beautiful loving wife and kids had been with him all day. His oldest had already booked a flight w/her family to fly out on Mother's Day to spend what they thought would probably be their last time with him. But he couldn't hold on. His oldest son, his and my youngest sat with him and held him at his last breath. And I was there - with the family during those next few days as we all said good-bye. It was hard and awful and sad and I did my best to support our kids and his family and all the while, wondering how do I do this? What am I supposed to feel? I am the former spouse. Do I have a right even to mourn. And there were or might be people wondering why I would be sad...I mean, I divorced him...But I was. I was sad. And also grateful that we had spoken about a month earlier and made peace with each other. And it was such a blessing - a treasure. Something I will be forever grateful for. And I didn't want him to die. I wanted, and still want him to be here for his wife, his kids, the world...because there is a big hole now in the fabric of the universe - of life. I came to an awareness shortly after his death however and it is still something I am wrestling with. I realized I had never mourned the loss of our marriage- our future - our dreams. I knew that unless things changed - we got counseling - did our emotional work - the relationship had to end. And there was sorrow - and pain but that was from the literal act of ending the marriage. It is not easy. And it's not anything anyone should undertake lightly. Although I can't imagine that people do. How could one take it lightly? But it happened and I went on and we all went on living our lives...but I never mourned what didn't come to pass. And it is ok to be sad about that - and sad that things didn't work out when one had so many hopes and dreams - even if they weren't actually practical or realistic maybe. And we continued living. And then a text came from my sister. She told me that my 2nd husband - my friend since our teens - (and should have remained friends - not married but it happened) was in the hospital. I had been told he had melanoma but that apparently was not the issue. Over the next few hours I heard how he had been sick, but gotten better but then had been found by his brother and was taken to the local hospital and it wasn't looking good. I went to see him and to be with my son who had been close to him. Even tho' there had been some hurt feelings. It wasn't the same for my daughter - and didn't have to be. But he had provided for us, he did love us - very deeply and now he was in the hospital and no one seemed to know why. I went and spent a day w/my son - and visiting in the hospital. Maybe two days? I don't actually remember. And my sister came - and our mutual friend who was a steady presence in his life - for many years. And then the stories of what had happened over time were told...and how he got lost but was trying to find his way back to health and wholeness and then this happened. And after a week, we were told he did have a stroke. There was brain damage. But it didn't compute. Especially since he seemed to be deliberately trying to communicate. He even tried to get out of bed. But the dr. said it was all just a reflexive response. But then I was told that when my son walked in his room at one point, his face lit up. I can just see it. It breaks my heart but I do believe he knew that the kid he loved came to be with him. And I went home then came back. But before I came back, I saw a vdieo of him trying to speak. And he even said a sentence. But the dr. said it was a reflex. And then I came back And sat w/him. And tried to get him to respond. But he wouldn't. And now he was DNR. And on morphine. And his nephews and nieces came to see him and say good-bye. And my son sat w/him every day for 2 weeks. And I sat w/him his last night and sang his favorite hymn. And the next morning he was gone. And it broke my heart. And once again, I realized I had not mourned the end of our marriage. The loss of our hopes and dreams. That got buried because I was so angry and having to go through this again - but it's how it worked out. And there were other things I was angry about - and rightfully so but it wasn't a one way street and God my flaws and imperfections did their own damage. Yet after our marriage ended - we stayed friends. Or something. And he even came to my 3rd wedding and visited us and remained close w/my son. Until not. But now I am again saying I don't know how to do this...what am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel? Because it's enough to realize someone significant in your life is gone but then two people!?! Even if imperfectly - we were important to each other at one time. And then aha! I don't have to know how to feel. I just have to feel. To let the emotions break over and in...and while I don't want it to be so much that I can't function - I still have to let the feelings come. And it's exhausting. And painful. And all the regrets and sorrows come crashing in as well. And the self-recriminations. And the coulda - shoulda - wouldas. They are there too. And it's all just one big reminder of how things did NOT go as planned and that was as much my fault as anyone else's. But I wish I could have said good-bye. I wish we could have talked as well. And now there are 2 gone from the fabric. Their shadow, their memory is all that is left in the tapestry. And my present beloved - who has his own health concerns going on - now needs in ways he hasn't before...and I want to be there for him but I'm working at half measure...and it's all so confusing. I mean like what is going on? Is this supposed to be some great life lesson - or just another it is, what it is? And there is no seeming purpose to all this. I mean - we are born, we live, we die - big deal. But that is not a reflection of the faith I profess. But I don't know what happens after we die and I don't know that life - our existence has any more or less meaning other than that we should make the most of our time while we are here - and we should just be kind to one another. Why is that so friggin hard?

In the beginning...all over again.

January 1, 2018 It does not seem possible that it is 2018. At least on the Gregorian calendar. Other calendars indicate different delineations of time. Clearly, our time of existence is far longer than 2000+ years. I woke up around 6:20 to the faith barking of our dogs. It was a bit hard to get out of bed as I did not get to sleep until around 1 a.m. this morning, the second late night in a row. On Saturday, we took our annual pilgrimage to my brother's house in NJ. Since I was reunited w/him and the rest of my biological family in 1999 - I and my family have been invited to his home every year to engage in the holiday family festivities. It is a gift just to be with them. We have a great time. No matter what configuration of family exists at the time of the gathering, we are all welcomed to his table. There are people missing and the ghosts of people I never met but if not for them, (Florence "Ruby" Fertig and Paul DeMartino), I would not be here. More on that later. Anyway - the moon lay abreast of the new fallen snow. I know exactly what image Clement Clarke Moore wrote of in his Christmas poem. That's what this morning's landscape looked like. It is is so beautiful. Then out to feed the animals. We don't have as many as we did in previous years so it doesn't take too long. It has been below 10 degrees every day for the past week. But...but if I remain in my Vera Wang pjs, I can throw on my heavy coat, my gloves and my hat and I am good to go. I know that once you wear pjs out to do chores, you are officially a farm woman but not sure there are too many who wear Vera Wang out to do so. But I did it last week since I was just too tired to change before going out and I discovered that as cold as it was, my pjs kept me warm. The really cool thing is they don't make me sweat when I am sleeping and these are fuzzy and cozy. So, Vera Wang - i've always enjoyed your fashions although I don't wear them but I now have my own VW pjs thanks to Hubby and Christmas and they are simply the best. Hubby wanted to know what they are made of and it's synthetic polyester and some stretchy fabric. But 10 degrees is not pj outdoor weather so the fact that I can comfortably finish chores and not be chilled says something. Can I be your spokeswoman VW? We'll be seeing friends later. We got to see another couple last night. It was totally impromptu but our timing was pretty good. We stopped by just as they finished dinner. Since it was still out on the table, they asked us to have some - scallops and fettucine. Great New Year's Eve supper w/homemade cookies for dessert. It felt very holiday-ish. I like to connect w/people so I was really happy Hubs agreed. We also wanted to see if they knew the whereabouts of another dear friend. She had gone back to family for the holidays. It was a hard year for her. Her beloved died unexpectedly in September and I know it's completely rocked her world. The rest of us who were friends to both are also recovering so I can only begin to imagine what she is feeling. It happened so damn fast. But not just to us. Others have written about the newly empty spaces in their lives. And we all keep promising to do better at staying in touch. At coming together. At not letting time slip away from us but I'm not sure how this year will be different form last year. Can we truly change the future outcomes ala Ebenezer Scrooge? Can we change ourselves enough to make room for the truly important? What do I have to let go of to make sure that my actual relationships will blossom and grow? I am probably going have to drastically reduce my FB time. I am returning to school - for my Masters in Clinical Counseling w/MSW hopefully along w/a Spiritual Direction certificate. It will be the culmination of my educational aspirations, which I have carried for many years. Not that achieving them will signal the end of the educational endeavors. Hopefully I will be open and able to learning till my last breath. And hopefully, I will navigate the choppy waters of our national circumstances and now allow the toxins of others to poison my heart, mind, soul and psyche. May i be able to enable and ennoble the world in which we live from this day forward. And may those whom I love find the year to come to hold all the good surprises and grace that this cosmos holds.

Moving on

We are winding down. We've barely been farmers for 6 years now but it's time to wind down. This has been on my mind a lot as I consider how physical farming is and how it really can't be done part-time. At least not the amount of work that we need to engage in to get the barn back in shape and do things around the farm yard that will improve it's looks and ability to function. Not sure if the animals are picking up on this. They do their animal thing and trust that we will take care of them. We do our best - but still haven't outwitted the fox or raccoon that have visited recently. The containers that hold food are broken into and a couple of our older birds have died from old age, or been on the menu for another creature. I consider this element of life also a lot as I think about the many, many posts of animals getting along and acting all cute and cuddly. And they very well may feel that way the moment the picture is snapped. But give it a few minutes or a day or two and there is no more cute n cuddly photo op. That animal may be raging against who knows what or it turns on it's best friend, human or otherwise. We can't fully, completely control what anyone else, including animals do...so we need to be wise when we engage with them. Even the most trustworthy of pets can snap and bite if sick, injured or feeling cornered. It isn't thinking about it's relationship with the other live being in the scenario...it's acting on instinct and that instinct can direct it to self-protective behavior. When our 100% lovable mini-Schnauzer was still with us, people would ask if they could pet her. And they'd ask if she bit. I said she never had but I would never 100% say it couldn't happen. She was a dog. (She never did bite anyone throughout her days...not even Ivanhoe the cat who would ambush her from the futon in the living room and then engage in a wrestling match.)

Week of July 3, 2016

I am thinking and thinking about what, if anything to write that hasn't been said or referenced already in the last few days. As a preacher/pastor, I feel obligated to say something but I don't want to add more words to the fray, or repeat previous thoughts ad nauseum. I want what I say to be measured and well thought out, providing insight perhaps, while suggesting some kind of action that will help heal and not hurt but all I can come up with at this moment is that the words need to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." So, nothing original there...I can't speak as a person of color, although as a woman I have experienced some level having my worth devalued in our patriarchal society, not earning the equivalent amount as a male would for the work I've done and do. And that would only be a part of the injuries that occur when not in the power position. And I do recognize that my status as a white woman still offers more security and status than if I was a person of color. I recognize and accept that the system is racist...it's biased and prejudiced as well. This has to be acknowledged if we are ever going to begin to change it. I know as well what it feels like to wear the blue thus becoming another kind of target for those who see that color and not the person wearing it. For a small short while in the "80's, I was employed as a police officer. Yes, it was for a college campus but one that was situated in the middle of a large township, with its own diverse identification: white, blue and pink collar, still rural oasis as well as suburban tracts, black, brown, white; different ethnicities, different religions, it was all going on back then. Upper, lower and a robust middle class. The job was campus security but the training was police procedures and firearms training and being located in such a way that people who may have had nothing to do with the school could drive through the campus, most just going about their business but who knows what a traffic stop might produce? And who knew when someone might be driving through, getting stopped and deciding they didn't want to be scrutinized by law enforcement officers? Hey, it could have been anyone who didn't take kindly to blue and blue made the wearer a target. I experienced that for about 8 months at a time when I had two young children at home whom I was trying to provide for while at the same time, paradoxically putting myself in a slightly more than ordinary vulnerable position. But it was a position that provided health benefits, a paycheck (which for the record I am only making $2000.00 more some 30 plus years later in a professional job) and some stability. Well stability for the most part. It was also a shift job which meant my working hours changed every 6 weeks. That did not work for me. My body did not adjust well to those insults to my system and I missed seeing my kids on the days when I worked as they attended day care and then by the time we met up, it was dinner and bed time for them. That was enough. But this isn’t about my life - or is it? Is it about how I was trying just to get through each day that the injustices and wrongdoings that I was aware of in my consciousness weren’t anything I thought I could actively address? Is that how it is for others? Just trying to get through each day, keeping the kids fed, spending a moment or two with spouse that there isn’t any room for anything else…is that what’s keeping the system from changing? Is it maybe a part of it? Or is it the BIG STUFF, the ugly racist beliefs that keep being passed on down from generation to generation? The idea that the color of someone’s skin is the thing that determines whether or not a person lives or dies; or gets a chance at redemption; or is included in the power board and broker rooms where decisions get made that affect the global population? And how do I go up against the institutionalized separation, the forces of degradation, the lies that keep humans separated? I’ve been told I hate my own race (a mix of any number of influences I’m sure – no purity test here) which would make me laugh except that it allows that person to remain distant or uncaring about the real issues that need to be acknowledged and then addressed. Acknowledging the wrongdoing of past and present and how I as a white woman benefit from that has NOTHING to do with me hating my race. It’s possible I may feel hatred towards those who keep the system going or those who do actual harm to another human being because of their skin color or culture. But hate isn’t going to help here or anywhere. I read a book in seminary – Dismantling Racism and I believe it spoke of the fact that race itself doesn’t exist…it is a cultural construct. There is no such thing as race, biologically speaking. It came into existence so that one group of people could claim superiority and authority over another. And we see how that has worked. But just recently, I started another book about how trying to dismiss the whole notion of race, dismisses the conversations around it and attempts to change the way the issues are dealt with. I don’t know right now. I know my brothers and sisters of color are tired and heart sick and they have every reason to be. So are my brothers and sisters in blue but there are very distinct, differing reactions to the events of this week and until they are addressed and dealt with in ways radically different from what we’ve been doing, we will not move past this place that we now find ourselves in. Earlier I said I wanted to respond in an even, measured way, a way in which the volatility of the circumstances would not be recharged but as I responded to a post earlier in the week, I find myself, coming up with this response – Shit. Just Shit. This is all bullshit and while I am not directly involved I am as a human being affected by what is happening in my country. I want to cry and mourn with those who mourn. I want to bring healing to the wounded. And I want to just punch my fist in rage… I want people to understand that there is s systemic difference in the way some of those in blue deal with those whose skin is black or brown or something other than “Caucasian.”” I heard first hand conversations in the academy about how a suspect would be stopped or approached for a traffic violation perhaps. Which already tells you something. Why is one particular motorist, JUST a motorist in one traffic stop but in another, a SUSPECT? Why would a black/brown/Hispanic driver be stopped for driving through Deal NJ in a) a used, kind of dumpy car or b) a luxury model, current year? Don’t know? Well, there are NO residences in Deal who would be housing a used, dumpy kind of car…Long Branch, Asbury Park, sure but not Deal. So, said person must be in the neighborhood for no reason - well, a reason, probably drugs. OR, there is no possible way that a person of color would be driving a current year luxury model car through Deal, because, well, no one of that description would be living in Deal. So, it must be stolen. I couldn’t believe it when I heard these conversations. They took place around the time that DWB was becoming a thing. Although it hadn’t reached Alphabet soup acronym status yet…it was being called profiling. And I was naïve to think it worked any other way. The rationale was that you need to know what’s out of place…an early version of “see something, say something.” So, jump to now. What I can I do? I can use the power and authority of the pulpit to speak out against violence – violence of any kind. But I can also name the wrong that is being done to the black/brown/people of color community. I sometimes hesitate when I am in that position of power because I like to speak of the church community as “we.” We worship together, we commune together, but do we really suffer together? People who look like me don’t experience what others do. I may be vulnerable as a woman, but not as a woman of color. I serve, as part of our congregation a black couple…in their 80’s. They are our lovebirds…the couple who laugh and joke about each other and invite us into that. But they also have had experiences that none of us has ever had. And while they invite us in, it is only to a point. And so, I always ask how they are doing, I call when they don’t come to church to make sure things are ok…I was told, by one of them that they had been through some tough times. And as I attempt to speak out against racial bias and prejudice, I sometimes wonder if they want to hear me say anything about what they might actually have gone through. If I do, will it come off as pontificating or just espousing thoughts with no real meat to back them up? It occurs to me that this is not the first summer of such discontent. Back in the 60’s, neighborhoods around the country were going up in flames, flames fanned by too many years of being discriminated against, being lynched, being abused…and the only reason for it was a longstanding notion that people of color do not deserve or get to be treated well, hell, treated as humans by the white class…the “ruling” authority. South Africa engaged in apartheid, so did we. In our own ways. And it wasn’t in far off places, but 45 minutes north in Newark, and 5 minutes away, in Matawan…the borough. The citizens of the “black” part of town were feeling what people today are feeling. Angry, tired, scared, uncertain and insecure. And the citizens of the “white” neighborhoods apparently didn’t really care. They wanted those other folks to stop whining, stop trying to change things, accept their “place” as it was determined by the white citizens. Preachers are preaching, some are seeking calm, others calling for change, RIGHT NOW before another black son, father, brother, uncle, best friend is gone. And that is regardless of his past. If those situations involved a white “suspect” I am about 99% sure that the men would be alive. Does this condone the take down of the officers in Texas – No. But it does reflect the frustration of a group who are targeted on a regular basis. And at this point in time, I am not sure that it has been determined who fired on the officers. Was it payback or was it an attempt to instigate more violence. Here’s the thing. Violence does begets violence. And what will that accomplish? NOTHING. And people like former Senator Joe Walsh ( not of the band.) need to keep their horrid thoughts to themselves.. Free speech is part of our heritage but inciting violence against our President…that could be considered treasonous. Sad thing, he isn’t alone. We know people in our neighborhoods who have verbalized the same thoughts. You don’t have to like the President but targeting him because of his skin color, inciting violence against him…your hands are dirty. Anyone who incites or engages in violence against others are dirty…the Church has its own handwashing to do when violence occurs seemingly condoned by it – generated by the things the Church says about another marginalized group – the LGBTQ community. We the Church must also take a stand against all the violence that is occurring, especially against those who use their platforms to demean, degrade and denigrate others. This is not how Christians are to behave so if you call yourself a Christian yet engage in racist, prejudiced, hateful ways against others then you need to be called to account. And then to consider how Jesus holds both you and the object of your disdain in his arms. (Had I written earlier in the week, this would have been a reflection on what it means to observe or celebrate or ignore the whole 4th of July happening. It probably would have included something about our son spending the weekend with us and how much I wish we lived closer to him, his sister and her family.)

One stream of consciousness thought... Just now · When I moved to Greene County NY after marrying David Tipple, (8/8/98) he as a pastor and I as a student pastor joined the Catskill Ecumenical Group. While it initially began for only clergy members, we extended the invitation to the laity - baptized members of a Christian congregation who are also imbued with gifts of the Spirit for ministry - living out Christ's call to us. I don't remember when it started but shortly thereafter, 3 congregations decided to meet during the summer, sharing pastors and pulpits. The 3 congregations who did this were the AME Zion Church on Water Str., in Catskill, The United Methodist Church on Woodland Avenue and The First Reformed Church, Catskill, 310 Main St. We'd decide before June where we'd meet and who would preach. Over the next few years, it grew into a full communion of believers, brothers and sisters in Christ, who worshiped, prayed and sang together. I don't think I need to point out why this was a truly moving and faithful experience. If you know anything about church denominations and separations, you know that for at least 3 months, there was a reprieve of Sunday a.m. worship being an example of the most segregated times of the week. The summer worship gatherings continue these days but only between Catskill UMC and First Reformed. After the previous and much beloved pastor, Rev Moses Carter left, the Bishop of that conference told the congregation they could no longer continue to engage in worship together. It wasn't racist - he would not be in a position of power w/in the whole system although he could be biased or prejudiced against the white congregations. I don't know and we've never heard. I think it was one of the worst things to happen to our community. The Ecumenical Council still works together, with white, black and occasionally the Hispanic congregation present but we should still be coming together to worship. Especially after a week such as this.

Who Are We? The RCA decision to prevent full inclusion in the life of the Church by those who are LBGTQ

I just read a commentary written by a sister in the denomination in which I serve - The Reformed Church in America. We are a denomination born out of the Protestant Reformation and in the 1700's evolved from being the Dutch Reformed to the RCA...(google for more information.) My sister spoke of how our General Synod gathering this year was filled with hatred and mean spiritedness. (GS - time of decision making also Google) After hearing the decision to try and rework our polity (form of governance) it so unnerved her that she felt she needed to self-injure to move the pain from her heart and mind to her body - in order to alleviate it. This pain stems from being told that she as a Queer person is worthless, has no value, should be eliminated etc., etc. But that changed as those of us who are seeking full inclusion for LBGTQ people in the life of the Church reached out to assure her that she is loved and welcomed and is "fearfully and wonderfully made." This compelled me to write and share some thoughts. Last night our classis -(regional governing body) had the opportunity to sit and talk to each other about where we stand on the issue. There are a variety of people with a variety of views on whether or not folks who are LBGTQ should be able to be ordained and married. Yet, while we differ, we were able to sit and share our thoughts respectfully in a safe place and way. This apparently is contrary to what the special council who met in April and our General Synod experienced this year. We heard a report on what occurred at both of these events and frankly I am horrified and disgusted. The point of the special council was to honestly and openly sit and discern together what action the RCA could take going forward about this issue. Several recommendations came out of that discussion but General Synod, which met in June failed to heed any. What happened was a proposal to basically change our polity and elevate marriage to the equivalent of a sacrament. This is not Protestant. This not how we do things. All in the name of keeping same sex couples from being married in the Church and individuals who are called to the ordained ministry from that calling. What really makes my blood boil was hearing that members from other regions did not come to these gatherings in order to wrestle honestly with the issues or what it means to a major section of our denomination - our brothers and sisters in faith...Instead, those gathering were told that they were to take a particular stance and adhere to that stance or else they would face difficult times when they returned home. How dishonest! How disingenuous! And when members of the Body who believe that the "bible says" no to full inclusion, they don't just say it's because of their faith. They apparently do so in the meanest, most derogatory way possible. Shame on them. And these proposals, which are made to prevent members of our denomination from full inclusion took place on the night that Orlando occurred. But Orlando wasn't the only tragedy that took place that night. In our region, a child, just 14 years old, took her life because she was being told s/he wasn't worthy, s/he was a freak, s/he had no value. She was transgender. In this case, it wasn't coming from her church but kids at school. However, this occurs far too often because when people hear church folk saying these kinds of things, it seems to give others a pass to act just as horribly. It shouldn't be happening by anyone. No one has the right to tell another that they have no value or that they can't live their lives in the way that the rest of the Church or society does. We the Church are complicit in these tragedies and we need to acknowledge this. This leads me to ask why ii is only conservative, bible literalists that get to offer commentary on these issues in the news media? There are many ordained individuals who would speak a new or different word on the issue - people who are just as bible literate as the conservative literalists believe themselves to be. The Church and Society needs to hear the position that ALL are welcome at the Table of the Lord and all are invited into full participation into the life of the Church. The LGBTQ community certainly needs to hear this. They need to know they are just as welcome as anyone else to share their love in the marriage arena and serve as ordained ministers. I also want to say is that while some may have a right to believe what they wish, I have heard of NO ONE killin themselves as a result of being loved and supported and invited into the full life of faith - including being able to be married or ordained. But enough people have ended their lives believing the lies that say they aren't good enough, are freaks, and are not welcome into full inclusion. This means more than being tolerated or welcome to join a faith community but not be able to do the things that some say are off limits to them. This is NOT how the Body of Christ should be functioning. We have blood on our hands. In light of that - I also have to say, while many are speaking out against leaving the denomination in order to be present and offer hope for the LBGTQ members who wish to remain in the denomination, I applaud the notion that we are not saying we're taking our ball and going home because things aren't going our way. That is a very mature and faithful way of proceeding forward. But here's the thing. After you've been told for so long that you are worthless; after being told you're welcome to be with us but only to a point; after you've been told terrible things, it has started to sound like the abuse victim who remains in a relationship because "it really isn't all that bad." Or, "this is my home, where else would I go?" We counsel people to leave abusive relationships and make a new start. I'm suggesting that perhaps it is time to consider making a new start. The conversation about marriage and ordination of LBGTQ people has gone on long enough. The arguments against it are the same ones that were made in order to keep women and people of color from full inclusion in the life of the Church. Jesus did indeed say that there was an appropriate time to "shake the dust of your sandals" and move on. Perhaps it is time for us to get shaking and become the community in which EVERYONE can fully participate and are welcome - because they are truly, fully loved. I lift this thought in love as one possible way forward. Anything else seems less than Christian.

The point is...

Sunday: December 27, 2015 Horses got out this morning. I was on my way to church. A congregation of about 13 people. About 6 appeared this morning. It was very similar to Christmas Eve when only 6 of us attended plus the family of four of our organist. It wasn't the end of the world but I keep wondering - focus on church, or on the farm? That is the question. Well, the farm would be doable except that Dave and I are both feeling like we should be wrapping things up, not trying to turn it into a financial success. Fortunately, we have leased some of the land to 3 farmers who grow produce and support CSAs and sell their wares at various farm markets. They are doing what we thought of doing. We also through of establishing a refuge, rescue center for people and animals. That didn't go quite as planned either. But we're hanging in there. We have the 3 horses; Zeus, and sisters Kentucky Rain and Cherry. Here's what I didn't think about when we brought them to live with us. Kentucky and Cherry came in 2010 and were 7 and 8 years old. Zeus came in 2011 or 12 at age 4. Guess what? Horses live until about 25, 30 years old. I will be 86 in 30 years. Dave will be???? So, even as we enjoy them we have to start thinking about their futures. And then there are the pigs. The pigs. Clare who is our 3000 pound pet. And Cinnamon - also a pet. And Bernie and Lil' Spot who make adorable babies. Who grow up. Who need to be fed. Time to reconsider... time to figure out the next round.