Week of July 3, 2016

I am thinking and thinking about what, if anything to write that hasn't been said or referenced already in the last few days. As a preacher/pastor, I feel obligated to say something but I don't want to add more words to the fray, or repeat previous thoughts ad nauseum. I want what I say to be measured and well thought out, providing insight perhaps, while suggesting some kind of action that will help heal and not hurt but all I can come up with at this moment is that the words need to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." So, nothing original there...I can't speak as a person of color, although as a woman I have experienced some level having my worth devalued in our patriarchal society, not earning the equivalent amount as a male would for the work I've done and do. And that would only be a part of the injuries that occur when not in the power position. And I do recognize that my status as a white woman still offers more security and status than if I was a person of color. I recognize and accept that the system is racist...it's biased and prejudiced as well. This has to be acknowledged if we are ever going to begin to change it. I know as well what it feels like to wear the blue thus becoming another kind of target for those who see that color and not the person wearing it. For a small short while in the "80's, I was employed as a police officer. Yes, it was for a college campus but one that was situated in the middle of a large township, with its own diverse identification: white, blue and pink collar, still rural oasis as well as suburban tracts, black, brown, white; different ethnicities, different religions, it was all going on back then. Upper, lower and a robust middle class. The job was campus security but the training was police procedures and firearms training and being located in such a way that people who may have had nothing to do with the school could drive through the campus, most just going about their business but who knows what a traffic stop might produce? And who knew when someone might be driving through, getting stopped and deciding they didn't want to be scrutinized by law enforcement officers? Hey, it could have been anyone who didn't take kindly to blue and blue made the wearer a target. I experienced that for about 8 months at a time when I had two young children at home whom I was trying to provide for while at the same time, paradoxically putting myself in a slightly more than ordinary vulnerable position. But it was a position that provided health benefits, a paycheck (which for the record I am only making $2000.00 more some 30 plus years later in a professional job) and some stability. Well stability for the most part. It was also a shift job which meant my working hours changed every 6 weeks. That did not work for me. My body did not adjust well to those insults to my system and I missed seeing my kids on the days when I worked as they attended day care and then by the time we met up, it was dinner and bed time for them. That was enough. But this isn’t about my life - or is it? Is it about how I was trying just to get through each day that the injustices and wrongdoings that I was aware of in my consciousness weren’t anything I thought I could actively address? Is that how it is for others? Just trying to get through each day, keeping the kids fed, spending a moment or two with spouse that there isn’t any room for anything else…is that what’s keeping the system from changing? Is it maybe a part of it? Or is it the BIG STUFF, the ugly racist beliefs that keep being passed on down from generation to generation? The idea that the color of someone’s skin is the thing that determines whether or not a person lives or dies; or gets a chance at redemption; or is included in the power board and broker rooms where decisions get made that affect the global population? And how do I go up against the institutionalized separation, the forces of degradation, the lies that keep humans separated? I’ve been told I hate my own race (a mix of any number of influences I’m sure – no purity test here) which would make me laugh except that it allows that person to remain distant or uncaring about the real issues that need to be acknowledged and then addressed. Acknowledging the wrongdoing of past and present and how I as a white woman benefit from that has NOTHING to do with me hating my race. It’s possible I may feel hatred towards those who keep the system going or those who do actual harm to another human being because of their skin color or culture. But hate isn’t going to help here or anywhere. I read a book in seminary – Dismantling Racism and I believe it spoke of the fact that race itself doesn’t exist…it is a cultural construct. There is no such thing as race, biologically speaking. It came into existence so that one group of people could claim superiority and authority over another. And we see how that has worked. But just recently, I started another book about how trying to dismiss the whole notion of race, dismisses the conversations around it and attempts to change the way the issues are dealt with. I don’t know right now. I know my brothers and sisters of color are tired and heart sick and they have every reason to be. So are my brothers and sisters in blue but there are very distinct, differing reactions to the events of this week and until they are addressed and dealt with in ways radically different from what we’ve been doing, we will not move past this place that we now find ourselves in. Earlier I said I wanted to respond in an even, measured way, a way in which the volatility of the circumstances would not be recharged but as I responded to a post earlier in the week, I find myself, coming up with this response – Shit. Just Shit. This is all bullshit and while I am not directly involved I am as a human being affected by what is happening in my country. I want to cry and mourn with those who mourn. I want to bring healing to the wounded. And I want to just punch my fist in rage… I want people to understand that there is s systemic difference in the way some of those in blue deal with those whose skin is black or brown or something other than “Caucasian.”” I heard first hand conversations in the academy about how a suspect would be stopped or approached for a traffic violation perhaps. Which already tells you something. Why is one particular motorist, JUST a motorist in one traffic stop but in another, a SUSPECT? Why would a black/brown/Hispanic driver be stopped for driving through Deal NJ in a) a used, kind of dumpy car or b) a luxury model, current year? Don’t know? Well, there are NO residences in Deal who would be housing a used, dumpy kind of car…Long Branch, Asbury Park, sure but not Deal. So, said person must be in the neighborhood for no reason - well, a reason, probably drugs. OR, there is no possible way that a person of color would be driving a current year luxury model car through Deal, because, well, no one of that description would be living in Deal. So, it must be stolen. I couldn’t believe it when I heard these conversations. They took place around the time that DWB was becoming a thing. Although it hadn’t reached Alphabet soup acronym status yet…it was being called profiling. And I was naïve to think it worked any other way. The rationale was that you need to know what’s out of place…an early version of “see something, say something.” So, jump to now. What I can I do? I can use the power and authority of the pulpit to speak out against violence – violence of any kind. But I can also name the wrong that is being done to the black/brown/people of color community. I sometimes hesitate when I am in that position of power because I like to speak of the church community as “we.” We worship together, we commune together, but do we really suffer together? People who look like me don’t experience what others do. I may be vulnerable as a woman, but not as a woman of color. I serve, as part of our congregation a black couple…in their 80’s. They are our lovebirds…the couple who laugh and joke about each other and invite us into that. But they also have had experiences that none of us has ever had. And while they invite us in, it is only to a point. And so, I always ask how they are doing, I call when they don’t come to church to make sure things are ok…I was told, by one of them that they had been through some tough times. And as I attempt to speak out against racial bias and prejudice, I sometimes wonder if they want to hear me say anything about what they might actually have gone through. If I do, will it come off as pontificating or just espousing thoughts with no real meat to back them up? It occurs to me that this is not the first summer of such discontent. Back in the 60’s, neighborhoods around the country were going up in flames, flames fanned by too many years of being discriminated against, being lynched, being abused…and the only reason for it was a longstanding notion that people of color do not deserve or get to be treated well, hell, treated as humans by the white class…the “ruling” authority. South Africa engaged in apartheid, so did we. In our own ways. And it wasn’t in far off places, but 45 minutes north in Newark, and 5 minutes away, in Matawan…the borough. The citizens of the “black” part of town were feeling what people today are feeling. Angry, tired, scared, uncertain and insecure. And the citizens of the “white” neighborhoods apparently didn’t really care. They wanted those other folks to stop whining, stop trying to change things, accept their “place” as it was determined by the white citizens. Preachers are preaching, some are seeking calm, others calling for change, RIGHT NOW before another black son, father, brother, uncle, best friend is gone. And that is regardless of his past. If those situations involved a white “suspect” I am about 99% sure that the men would be alive. Does this condone the take down of the officers in Texas – No. But it does reflect the frustration of a group who are targeted on a regular basis. And at this point in time, I am not sure that it has been determined who fired on the officers. Was it payback or was it an attempt to instigate more violence. Here’s the thing. Violence does begets violence. And what will that accomplish? NOTHING. And people like former Senator Joe Walsh ( not of the band.) need to keep their horrid thoughts to themselves.. Free speech is part of our heritage but inciting violence against our President…that could be considered treasonous. Sad thing, he isn’t alone. We know people in our neighborhoods who have verbalized the same thoughts. You don’t have to like the President but targeting him because of his skin color, inciting violence against him…your hands are dirty. Anyone who incites or engages in violence against others are dirty…the Church has its own handwashing to do when violence occurs seemingly condoned by it – generated by the things the Church says about another marginalized group – the LGBTQ community. We the Church must also take a stand against all the violence that is occurring, especially against those who use their platforms to demean, degrade and denigrate others. This is not how Christians are to behave so if you call yourself a Christian yet engage in racist, prejudiced, hateful ways against others then you need to be called to account. And then to consider how Jesus holds both you and the object of your disdain in his arms. (Had I written earlier in the week, this would have been a reflection on what it means to observe or celebrate or ignore the whole 4th of July happening. It probably would have included something about our son spending the weekend with us and how much I wish we lived closer to him, his sister and her family.)