Really!?!

So, I'm awake.  STILL!  I've been up for about 5 hours now.  I first awoke at 3 a.m. and after a quick jaunt downstairs, headed back up to bed to finish out the night's sleep.  Well, that didn't work.  And yes, I will blame it on hubby's snoring.  Since his snoring doesn't bother him, I've attempted to adjust to it for oh say 15 years.  Well, it's not working.  But there are no free beds in the house at the moment and the couch was taken by the 2 dogs so I tried to take advantage of the early morning quiet.  Well, it was sort of quiet.  I sat outside in the cool thinking I would use that time I keep saying I want to spend with God.  It worked - sort of.  And I did have a chance to notice things about the night that those of us who sleep through it don't normally get to appreciate.  I enjoyed the sounds of the bullfrogs and they were very vocal this morning.  It was a genuine Hollywood production going on.  Then one of the cats slipped outside after pushing the storm door open.  (It hasn't yet changed for the season - there is no screen in place so it's still technically a storm door - isn't it?)  And after the one came out - another one also joined the night adventureres.  Both cats sat around for a bit and after some fits and starts finally made their decisions about what they wanted to do.  One went on her way down the road and the other sort of followed me back into the house.  However, when I picked her up, she decided she preferred being outside.  Which is good since she is the one who rids the place of the roaming rodents...we have enough rats to make up a regiment  - ok - maybe some exaggeration is in play but they are getting bold - in spite of the fact that this household houses about 7 cats - 3 indoor, 2 indoor/outdoor and 3 outdoor.  Then I spied a woodchuck racing from the wellhouse to the carport (where there is no car - just miscellaneous stuff) and I thought that this is ridiculous.  I wanted to develop an animal sanctuary - but not for the wild critters to take over.  Anyway - I also got to see Venus & Jupiter (had to look it up to determine what I was looking at) and the sight inspired me to write a poem...or reflection of the view.  Unfortunately - I didn't seem to experience that really powerful inspiration that changes ones' life and gets it going with full motivation and the productivity that so many others seem to experience.  At least that's what they say in their writings.  Me -I just had more ideas which may or may not ever see the light of day....haha...but I can say that really all I want to do is sleep.  For the rest of the day.   I did get the morning chores done and I did tell hubby I won't be going to church this a.m., either service, but so far, it's just another day which may or may not result in the log jam being broken through and I either move forward with this life-long thing that's nagged me for almost ever or I just make a half-hearted attempt to fulfill the destiny and then let it go again.
But I'm definitely not going to church.  It's rare - but periodically I miss service and a chance to be in a place that means community (imperfectly) and a place to be where I'm reminded there is something more that exsists than my individual piece of the puzzle.
Well, what a whine.  I could rename this blog - Rooster Haven W(h)ine.  Although we don't make wine here, there can be a lot of whining.  With 2 teen-age girls and a 9 year old boy plus one 30 year old son and an 18 year old guy who would probably rather be any place than here....it can get emotional.  Although the 30 year old, the 18 yr old and hubby tend not to give in to emotion...that leaves the rest of us.  The 18 yr & 16 yr old girls, the 9 yr old and myself.  Dealing w/each other in sometimes difficult circumstances....trying to make the best of having to be in foster care and trying to provide good care and wanting to be normal (whatever that means) and trying to fulfill obligations, dreams, opportunities.  Yes, I'm rambling.  I've been awake 5 and 1/2 hours now.  I think I started this out by mentioning that.  I got up, went back to bed then thanks to the snore machine, got up again and have been awake ever since  - listening to a little night music and trying to add some vocalizing to the melody.